No Regrets.

January 6, 2009 at 2:37 pm (Blogging, God, Love, Self-improvement, Women)
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ambers-head-shot2First, let me say I am grateful that my story reached someone and comforted their soul. I actually wrote To Whom It May Concern back in 2003. I was at a low point in my life after that ordeal and found that the only way to release my pain was to write down my feelings and to speak positive things into my life. Now that I look back I can actually say that I thank God for taking me through that with him because from it I learned to never stop living your life for someone else. I learned that it is ok to love and not be loved in return because when you find that person that really does love you back you recognize him and love him even harder than you loved the one you felt broke your heart. Jane Seymour said it best when she said “if your heart is always open it can never be broken.” I stand by her quote and feel this deep in my heart. The man that came into my life after I felt this guy had taken it and thrown it away will now and forever always be in my heart.

J. Montgomery, I am choosing to use his initials for his own privacy, came out of nowhere and showed me that you can first be friends with a man and not have to be intimate with him. He also showed me that there are men out there who love you truly and want nothing but the best for you and for you to be who you are and not what they are trying to make you be!  He taught me that if they need to change me, then they never really wanted me to begin with. On my 28th birthday that man gave me a sterling heart, he gave me my heart back and told me to never let anyone take what God gave me. I still have that heart to this day and when I feel like my heart is slowly drifting into someone else’s hands I take it out and hold it close to me and speak those words over and over again until the feeling subsides. He served his purpose in my life and just like a flick of a switch he was gone; gone from my presence but always in my heart.

I also fell in love with another woman’s husband. Don’t get it twisted I know what I did was wrong and at one point I regretted it but now looking back I am grateful for it because it gave both of us an understanding.  I understand now that I can never give my heart to a man who gave his away long before we met. He juggled us both for 3 years and at one point I truly believed he would leave her….but then all hell broke loose in my life. I was traveling down a road of self destruction and had nowhere to go. I went to God though and I asked him to make me over and take this man from me.  I would get up and go to church faithfully but then come home and lay with this married man once again. We eventually decided mutually that we were both living in hell and that nothing could ever come from what we were doing. Again, I found myself giving my heart away to someone that could truly never love me in return. So one day this man introduced me to the next man.

The next man turned out to be my best friend to this day. He approached me with more honesty than I ever thought possible could come from a man. He let me know from the jump that he already had a team of hoes but he could squeeze in one more if I was worth it. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had so little self esteem that I chose to deal with what he was dishing out instead of standing up for my morals and saying no. I dealt with the late night creeps, calls and other issues. But from all of this he taught me that if a man can’t be honest with you and love you then he didn’t need to be with you….enters the friendship. I fell in love with this man as a friend and I fell in love with our friendship.  To this day this man is still honest with me but he is saved now and he is truly the man who saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life along with God. God sent this man into my life back in 2005 to make sure that we are the best of friends now in order for me to hear the message he had for me.

I said all of that to say that my heart was bruised but not broken and I have learned to love again as Joss Stone says. I have a man in my life now that will never leave me nor forsake me. He loves me with all my flaws and impurities. He is the only man I see at this point and the only man that I know truly has my back at all costs……GOD! I know I will love again and I will be grateful for that man when he comes along. What I have said here is only a small fraction of what I have been through in my life where men are concerned; but again I am grateful for every one of them. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22  So for now until he stops and asks for directions….. I’m single, saved and content.

Sincerely,

Grateful

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To whom it may concern:

December 29, 2008 at 2:16 pm (Blogging, Self-Realization, Women)
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ambers-head-shot2

I have a situation or at least I thought I did. See I fell in love with a beautiful man who appeared to love me with every inch he had. With the utmost trust and understanding, he stepped out on faith and asked my parents if my hand he could take? Never once did this man seem to be fake.  See here was a man I was sure had to be sent by God, he was everything I’d asked for, never a dull conversation to make me nod. To be so far apart was breaking my heart, so I picked up and moved never straying from the groove. Playing house was what we did, now that I’m looking back, still not ready to forgive. I cooked and cleaned, overlooking all the things he said that were so mean. The elders always say be careful what you ask for, because your wants and needs are two totally different things. Eventually, his light did shine and he committed the ultimate crime. He stole my heart and soul, walking away with complete and total control. The moral of my story ends with one simple question. Why couldn’t I see his mission? To manipulate and destroy, everything I had worked so hard to avoid! I have loved and lost always to be found. But not this time, with him there will never be a second go round.

Signed,

Ms. Ready To Be Loved!!

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Groove

December 12, 2008 at 8:44 am (Blogging, Self-improvement, Women)
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“Money over Bitches.” Wait a second, a minute ago we were ‘Dime Pieces’ and ‘Dubs’ now we’re less than the money we’re trying to amount to.  That’s right we don’t amount to any money at all.  Ain’t it funny how we use these terms to define how much we’re worth. See we are the ones that were from down south cotton pickin and the backbone of operations of freeing slaves. Now we are holding conversations like “Hey Hoe,” What’s up Bitch.” Respect comes from within if our black men don’t see it now then when?  I know the stories about broken homes and you being left with that man in the room. Scars so deep that a bandage can’t fix. Problems so complex that psychiatrist can’t solve.  But its a new day where we can lift up ourselves and say we’ve made it.  Lets not give time to come up with the words to define black women.  Eliminate those slurs from our vocabulary and have a revolution about who we are as a ppl, not cultural but as One Love.  Break the generational curses and bury them deep. Reconstruct our way of thinking and remembering that we are Queen Cleopatra and Harriett Tubman but we must start looking within.

And that’s the peace lol.

Nique

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Thought of the Week. "God Help Us."

January 20, 2008 at 8:07 pm (Blogging, Christianity, God, Religion, Self-Realization, The Bible)
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I would like to talk about a few verses in the Bible. Although I use the Bible for this message I do not practice Christianity in the worldly form. In other words, I am not a practicing Christian by the definition of Christianity by man. I do attest nothing is bad about Christianity, Judaism, Islam or any other religion. It is what it is. I am not claiming to have the only way to enlightenment about Godliness. My way is just another way to the Kingdom. I am not human or spiritually a judger of men, each one of us comes from God. And God cannot judge herself. With that said let’s begin this short but powerful lesson or discussion about “God Help Us. That Our Eyes Can be Opened.”—I am just a student-teacher, who desires to become a Master.

“God Help Us. That Our Eyes Can be Opened.”

Matthew 20

30] And, behold, two blind men sitting by the way side, when they heard that Jesus passed by, cried out, saying, Have mercy on us,… [32] And Jesus stood still, and called them, and said, what will ye that I shall do unto you? [33] They say unto him, Lord, that our eyes may be opened. [34] So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him.

Here’s my take:

The two men were given an opportunity seemly for anything that their hearts desired. But asked, “Open our eyes.” They did not seek riches, or new huts, job promotion or anything else. They understood heaven was within them; however they could not see it without some help. Jesus helped them with spiritual eyesight, or some would say “Their mind’s eye.” And what the two men to do with their newfound spirituality? They picked themselves up and followed, they followed because, Jesus is Love. Jesus said “I have come for lost ones.” Which is all of us.

Inside you is the kingdom of Heaven. Heaven is a decision; it is not a place with a physical address or P.O. Box number. Joy is a decision; it is not capable of being held by human hands. Bliss doesn’t materialize with worldly ingredients. No one can touch or take it away.  It’s who you are; your soul is waiting for its curtain call. You just need help to re-remember who it is That You Are. You are created by God which in turn makes you A God manifested in a human body. A body with a never-ending soul, it cannot be cast away. Stamped on your soul probably reads, “Property of GOD, if lost or stolen return to Heaven. Never to be forgotten, Never to be forsaken and Never to be cast away.” God loves you, now start loving yourself, for you are a part of an All-Loving God,  God cannot hate, despise, anger or show any other man-made emotions. No matter what others may think or say.

He doesn’t punish your transgressions. How shall you learn what God is without transgressions? Transgressions illuminate your soul. They get you to see what and who you are. If all you had was perfection, perfection would cease to exist, because that’s all there would be, perfection would cease to have a definition. You would have nothing to compare transgression with. You have nothing to compare Joy without Pains. Darkness illuminates light. Hate illuminates Love and so on. However these things are not real in our spiritual mind only in the mind of our worldly thoughts, hate, anger, separation, envy, jealousy appear real. Unchain yourself from myths and illusions. Challenge long held beliefs; challenge your unchallenged thoughts, “What God Wants and Who God Is? Ask yourself for the freedom to choose your destiny with God. There isn’t a one size fits all with spirituality. Be not afraid to think the unthinkable, that God Loves Me No Matter What and God Wants Nothing from Me. Search inside and God will reveal your bliss to you, no man holds the keys to heaven for you. Heaven isn’t a home, building or mansion now that I think about it. Heaven has an open door policy.

Heaven is inside you; go after it like a tiger after prey. Yearn for it, become restless, as a matter of fact; update your spiritual resume. Objective: To Become One With God. Salary: Eternal life. Go into the interview already knowing this job has been promised, you can’t lose. If you have no clothes go anyway, if you have no transportation go anyway, if you forget your resume go anyway. Why? Because you can’t lose. You came from the employments services of God, Inc., that company doesn’t possess a losing spirit. Victory was won as soon as you accepted Who You Were. There are no qualifications for heaven. Everyone has a ticket that says, “Admit One, No Exceptions.”

“Admit One, No Exceptions.” Your ticket is in your heart, go get it. Stop being held back by fear, guilt, past transgressions, what others may think, what other may say.  Go get your ticket, see if there’s a disclaimer on the back, I guarantee it is not. God has no reservations about Who You Are. You are sons and daughters, manifested in a fleshly form, only to realize your own greatness. This is the only reason you’re here to realize your own greatness. Rejoice that you have been given the opportunity to achieve what appears to be unachievable.  The opportunity to reunite with God. Rejoice. Fear isn’t real, you make it real, Guilt isn’t real you make it so. Everyone makes up God, your brother, mother, friends, strangers, perceived enemies, all of us make of God. All of Us. One not better then the other.

God Is Everything. Everything Is God. God doesn’t have separation, and neither can you, its impossible. Separation is a myth, We’re All One. Remove the debris from your mind’s eye, the broad of judgment, the board of condemnation of yourself as well as others. You are made in the image and likeness of God. You can do no wrong everything done is for your glory. His love is a perfect love. A love with no conditions or retributions to fear. You need not worry about losing favor. God is You and You Are God. He doesn’t punish himself. Let God love you for who you are, a part of her. God cannot separate from itself. Our parts make up the whole of God.

Join yourself back where you belong,

Re-remember Who You Are.

Thank you for listening to my thoughts on—“God Help Us See.” God has promise that his words are victory for everyone. These words are not for separation but inclusion. God is not a God of exclusion, by race, gender, sexual preference, geography location, height, weight, eye color and anything else the world could think of. She loves us all.

Know Who Are

Love always,
RAW

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