(Pt. 2)

The Journey through life isn’t easy. Some say it’s a flat out “Bitch.” As life become difficult we tend to pretend more. We start to believe in illusions. The performance of our false sense of self is Oscar worthy. We put on such a display of false self, we fool friends, family members, and everyone in our life. But the greatest deception is left for ourselves. I can’t tell you how many times I put on charades of life’s success based on past athletic accomplishments. Use of sport antidotes used as forms of deceptions Houdini would envy. Life’s situation that rattle me faster then leaves in Chicago’s winters were kept silence. Things that rung my heart I couldn’t discuss. Many of my contemporaries did not discuss there pain from life situation either. We lied to each other. Silence sometimes is deception. We didn’t want to admit life’s situations got our ass. When we displayed emotions one day it was never discussed again. We dismiss it as a moment of weakness. Men cry more alone then women. Women cry together. We believe the illusion that we controlled life, the way we thought we control sport contest. We believe we could will life situations like a ball. To have it our way only if we worked harder or was better than the opponent, life. Little did I know, I was my opponent. Life’s situation didn’t create my pain, I did. Since there was, “No Crying in baseball,” there was no crying in life. I wish I cried more as a grew into a young adult. Mostly, I wish someone to talk to. Someone who would allow me to cry and feel supported, comfortable and understood. Instead I had been conditioned not to cry, not to seem weak, stay strong.

“It ain‘t a damn thing I can‘t do.

Yes, it was I couldn’t cry.

Life’s situations makes you cry sooner or later. You’ll learn or you’ll remain in a chronic state of pain and suffering. My evolution has come to understand this phrase all to well. In my past, I tried to shape life like I thought I shaped football contests. I thought I was in control. “I created my pain, not life‘s situation.” I didn’t get this until my Journey began 3 years ago. It has been a hell of a journey to get where I am today. My life’s pain was a 43 years veteran of controlling my thoughts. 43 years of false ego. 43 years of friendship with others who don’t cry. The Broadway show goes on. But this monkey is out of the cast. My existence isn’t to accomplish anything worthy of attention by worldly observers. I don’t have to be life’s All-American, its an illusion anyway. I was tricked, by my false self. If you are suffering, you’re the punisher. If there’s pain, its you. It’s the way you think that’s giving you your pain. The more you gain the more you’ll lost. You’re plugged up to the Matrix. There’s no job description, title, material ownership or wealth that will sooth you. Shit more is better. However, the more you gain the more you lose. Not you however, you can control anything, what’s that saying, “Just put your mind to it.” Its your mind that has you trapped. Its a vicious cycle.

To be continue…

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