A exploration of spiritual stillness, 30 day fast of reading, studying and practicing the 26th verse of Tao Te Ching. (Living Calmly) The month long spiritual exercise in accepting and being gracious for what lies ahead. Being a avid hack writer, I’ll post 30 days consecutively, thoughts on “Being Content.” Poems, exercises, take-home assignments, etc.
Day 26, Where’s my Father?
A somber morning, as a memory was corrected earlier as I laid awake before sunrise. The inaccuracy of my father’s death.
My father was born in 1942, he died in 1977, but for reasons unbeknown I always thought he died at the age of 46. His accurate age in 1977 would have been 35 years-old. Why I had him dying at the age 46 years-old, I can’t imagine.
A subconscious fear arose from my young adulthood; a fear I would die at 46. This fear stayed with me until a few years ago. Why this morning to have truth revealed? You can imagine how stun I am, something this impactive and personal. Is what I realize important?
Does it change my view on life?
A psychic or medium will not be required, connecting this revelation I’ll leave to chance. Shock is a better word, then a hidden message from beyond, my bed didn’t twist violently as I was thrown about.
35 years-old is young. After his death I would go to his closet trying on his coats, proclaiming a man when the frail shoulders would hold the coats firmly one day. The physical connection however soon over, as my Mother removed all his belongs. The pseudo ritual of manhood destroyed quickly and without replacement.
My memories remained my company with him after that day. Silently recalling the relationship, a mental hole unable of being filled. Consequently, what do I take away from this today, “Fuck wasting a day of my life.”
I am going to seek higher-vibrational people, individuals who cherish every second of the day. Creative beings who harmonize relationships and everything they touch. I had my pain and I survived it, I want to live, to run into a mountain head-on. Sounds Walt Disneish, I know, but its my life.
Living life with negatives and hang-ups complicates simple processes, they destroy dreams. Magnetizing one’s self to positive individuals builds one’s resolve. It lifts the mind to heights not realized, that’s the meaning of my morning. People who inspires life, my father inspired me, I always believed I could do anything with him.
Positive reinforcement creates spiritual energy which gives life creation. I’m a child again, re-born. I love inspiring people who yearns for inspiration. We live through each other, because soon our coats will be thrown out.