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I am holding on to “something,” what the something may be I do not know. However, I feel its tension in my daily affairs and my frustration grows with mental constipation. My transformation may not begin until I discover why and what “something” does to my mind. I hunger for growth and transformation from my old life but “something” stands at guard; defiantly resisting change.

Am I afraid of “something”?  How do you discover fear hidden deep inside? Well, at least I notice my dilemma, unlike my previous life of denial; where I faced nothing truthfully; however this “something” is real.

Something may be “expectations,” yes, expectations’ the dreaded process of what may happen scares me.  Expectations from family, friends, life and myself all erect paralysis in my mind.  Conversely, I feel frustrated when I have thoughts of expectations from these entities. It drains my spirit and circumvents my growth, its frustrating expecting anything; I hate it to be honest.

Are you every really in the “moment” when you have expectations? I think not, you are always thinking about past disappointments or anticipation of dreams coming true. How do you accept the moment with expectations flooding your mind?

Do we not anticipate life? Set goals? I feel lost without expectations and stuck with them. Expectations frustrate my psyche and I expect one day they will not. (You see, there I go again.)

Hopefully, I begin to rid myself of my dreaded expectations, so that I can go on to live in the moment.  Consequently, able to accept whatever happens will feel great, until then; I “expect” nothing, however “something” is still out there.

*

~~The Invisible Dragon

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