Without question, there is no greater despair then a person in a disjointed love relationship. As a result, when affairs head south, we ask, “What went wrong.” We contemplate repeatedly, what looked so promising, faded so fast to crap. There are untold individuals of failed relationships and marriages. Some end nicely, and sadly, some in abusive fashion.
As an illustration, The Dragon never immune to life has suffered failed relationships, two to be exact. Youth and ignorance could be plausible reasons, but let us not kid ourselves. Above all, I did not know what self-love consisted of and ultimately, in both affairs, I wanted my needs met. I wanted a caregiver. The Dragon refer to as “Bogus or Counterfeit Love,” where one falls in love with the illusion of “Falling in Love.”
For the sake of discussion, let us take a closer look at the construction of counterfeit love. When we meet the so-call ‘the one’, our impulses says, ‘this person makes us feel special.” Hence, our stomachs turn as if on a roller coaster when we are with them. He/she does everything right (i.e., movies, valentine gifts, & candy). In essence, you bragged to your family and friends, this is the one. Now let us fast-forward to real life shall we, a few years later, as we sit scarred and bristled in our closet crying uncontrollably.
First, you were never in love; you were in love with the “illusion of falling in love”. Let us not be deceitful, we ultimately, succumbed to an illusion supported by sex, gifts and “the idea we were extraordinary”. In any case, when we construct a relationship in this manner, it is no wonder; we end up in the fetal position weeping and saying, “He/She just changed overnight.” Yea, right! Incidentally, when you lack self-love, you are easily attracted to counterfeit love. You drove yourself to the slaughterhouse; let us take a closer examination.
Overall, we threw ourselves at these men/women, all the while, ignoring obvious character flaws (i.e., selfishness, obsessiveness, needy, just plain shady). Sadly, inside the illusion, we saw only what made us ‘feel special’. Moreover, with faithful resiliency, we consistently manipulated the chase, dangling our ‘goodies’ to insure we can make their mouths water.
Expectably, after we thought we had them, the big announcement, “I’m in Love!” Sadly and eventually, we come to realize, once again, we fail in love with the imagination of falling in love. .
By the way, true love has nothing to do with feeling out of the ordinary. If we need to ‘feel gifted’ by someone, it is but a moment you will meet continually with painstaking disappointments. In the end, these relationships are about control and fear of separation and abandonment. These relationships are insanity; moreover, it denotes lack of self-love, we engaged to a nightmare.
As we vision, some grasp obsessively to love interests, an obvious illustration of dependency. It signals our mates’ ‘goodies’ may attract other suitors; ultimately, leaving us alone, deserted. Overall, we are worrying about our own needs not the marriage. These relationships are so taxing. Did you know, self-love is the only love not dependent on external people or forces.
In short, the Dragon does not need his wife, he adores and love being with his wife. I long-lost the illusion of the fear of separation that nearly destroyed my marriage and life. My fear of disconnection was demented and self-serving. I resemble the child screaming for his mother. Instead of marrying fantasies of love, turn on to you first.
Counterfeit love affairs are control and panic relationships. The premise that someone is responsible for our feelings pronounces our fear of separation and abandonment. A solution to this personal matter is for one to learn to find true self-love. Nevertheless, I do not direct people in that manner; I only know it starts within.