The First Lady: Sex, Baptism, & Friends

church-womanI walk and vision a companion, she notices my gaze. My attention engages her blouse, a rosy flower gown top, her bubbly breast tight, nipples stiff. We have done this before and often, her husband, the reverend provided our lead in. His Black ass running around chasing hookers and improvised church women. I developed my pleasures for the First Lady on the other side of town. She visits the children’s shelter often, her dark brown bottom unmarked and motionless. I am not shy nor apprehensive on my engagement; I’m living in what was prepared. Yet, I fear, she possesses my secrets, special movements, and excitement with others.

Many men fear to engage the First Lady, not me, she wants love and dirty sex. I sit two rolls back, stroking my thigh, staring into memories, our memories, our fifthly desires. She plays an open game of hide and seek, I fall for it, I accept the cookie and juice offering. She glances at a friend worshiper; my heart anticipates our secret is known. Yet, we never considered the holy church for an escapade with her friend.  Fred Hammond drowns out my private desires, The First Lady, and friend, hmm. Is it possible? Hell, yeacross? Is it, right?

You damn right! Their Black sorority or whatever got ‘em working out like this, now bring that thang over here, wet, real wet. My shaft is restless, staring at both, brown and light-skinned, you feel me. My thrust soaks up the fluids from their Wonder Caves. Both involves themselves as I place the proper music tone, I’m allowed to watch, as both, show me what Holy is about. The First Lady’s eyes go toward the ceiling, her streams flow smoothly like Sade’s beats. There’s never a need for loud sounds, we keep it down, and pass the movement around. The pastors and friends none the wise, it’s going down around town.

I am lost in their passion, they absorb my desires, intimidating but soothing. Her friend’s fingers guiding my boyish hands to snatch her nimble. I am lost, help me, it is intimidating but soothing. Silence again takes my potency and caress the spirit, both spirit unbeknownst before this deliberate seduction. Their hips lay me down, a speechless heroin of a thousand lovers seduces my fears, my fears are their Aphrodite she increases the First Lady’s device. Her friend’s purpose to extract my fantasies, I am soon exhausted by their vigor. In a trance, I vision two companions, neither lives with fear or sadness, we behave this way


Oh, yeah, we locked the church doors.

Robert a, Williams


Our Guilt: We Taught Black Boys How to Kill

Many African Americans are culpable for the mass killings taking place in cities like Chicago, Philadelphia, and Washington D.C. Yes, you heard me right; there are individuals in their late 40’s and 50’s that set the stage for these current killing fields. I am one of those individuals. In Chicago, during the 70’s and 80’s, you learned about vice and violence early. It is obvious this goes back even further than those decades. Nonetheless, in Englewood, where I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s: You; learned to fight, steal, and bully before you learned to read. This rite of passage was mandatory, you fight, or you die. Crime and violence was in our DNA.

In present times, the young Black males that slaughter innocent lives received their training from individuals like me. Of course, some will argue they never gang banged, shot, or robbed someone, and neither have I. Nonetheless, I protected friends and relatives who were married to the gun, drug trade, or murderous dispose. I’ll admit I also did my dirt as well but just more on a softer side.   As a point, the young Black male who murdered my nephew last week in Chicago learned his violence from someone. He learned terror from someone…he was not his own teacher.  Who taught him or them to kill without remorse or care?

I know numerous people who grew up during the 70’s and 80’s like me. Some of these individuals live a good life now, God, and Jesus Christ flow through their veins. Yet, their past lives’ reflect a contrast that challenges their current piousness. In the hood, most cheated in some form or another, rather our parents, relatives, or friends, we were instructed on how to ‘get over’. Whether it was the racket of ‘picking numbers’ or buying stolen meats and produce from a thief, we did anything necessary to survive, and get ahead. Yet, now we pretend to scorn our young Black brothers for their violence and crime-ridden affairs that has a similar objective: To come up.

I forgive the young brother who took my nephew’s life because he learned his violence from someone like me…just like me. He may have lost his father as I did or refused to grasp love in a proper manner. Regardless of the matter, he saw Black brothers and sisters who are now cops, firefighters, pastors, coaches, and teachers get over. He saw a brother claim righteousness yet steal another man’s wife in the dark. He witnessed the good sister in the day and her crack addicted twin at night. Worse, he may have witnessed the sexual abuse of his sister by relatives or friends. Let me not forget, he watched everyone come up but him. This young man learned his hate and violence from someone.

Another young brother replaced my nephew in the news headlines within a few hours in Chicago. The matter at hand is to remind you, that your crimes, whether soft or hard, helped these young brothers take it a step further. We are not innocent as we grasp tighter our nearing retirement pensions, or Facebook our latest vacation. We are to blame; I know so many brothers and sisters who now sit back and say, “What a shame how they’re killing each other” while they buy their ounce of Kush, bootleg laptop, or flat screen television. You know damn well, how these young cats got their deadly desires…They watched us growing up.

The Invisible Dragon

Trash TV: Iyanta and DMX Interview


After painstakingly giving in, I watched a recorded event my wife thought would be interesting. It was with one of my favorite rap artists DMX and an entertainer named Iyanta. I never heard of Iyanta and was not interested in the interview or interviewer. However, after observing some of its content, I can categorically state, she is ill-equipped to diagnosis clinical depression or addiction. For this reason, the interview was a sham. The producers and Iyanta exploited an obvious ill individual for commercial gains. Sadly, in the Black community, some will cheer this exploitative slice of ‘weird TV’. Our community accepts most anything as authentic if we become emotional, feel pity, or want to pray. However, the interview on DMX by Iyanta was trash TV. Mental illness and addiction is no entertaining matter. I’m not sure if “X” suffers from either, nonetheless, Iyanta, lacks a professional background to diagnosis it. She did more harm than good, and only for ratings.

Mental illness and addiction has rampaged communities across America. However, in the Black community the epidemic has gone viral long ago. I suffered for over 18 years with depression and addiction. I know the terror and thoughts of suicide. It was the hardest battle in my life faced mostly alone. Beyond my wife, children, and Rod Davis, no one could bring sunlight into the darkness. Again, I cannot say what DMX suffers from, but the symptoms he displayed while exploited were hurricane-warning signals. This interview should never have occurred. His taking advantage of was an attempt to keep a struggling entertainment mogul afloat (Oprah Winfrey). Sadly, the effort also sends the message that mental illness and addiction needs only a pep talk, and reconciliation with a love one. This production was an act of betrayal. DMX’s representative should charge Iyanta, with an intelligence malpractice suit if they cared about his health and awareness.

In the Black community mental illness and depression remains under the most ineffective institution in Black culture: The Black Church and its representatives. It is common for Black women to beg depressed and dysfunctional men to seek help from unqualified clergypersons. Yes, send them to people who lack any trace of formal education in mental diseases. This is a horrible mistake to send depressed individuals to a church representative untrained in the field. On the contrary, the Black church can help by suggesting individuals to seek professional help. In so much, Iyanta, Kirk Franklin and any other entertainers must shut their damn mouth on the issue. These half-baked tricksters must scurry back to their dwellings or obtain an academic education in the field. Either way, please let my people go.

The worse statement from Iyanta was when she said to DMX, “Don’t you know you’re a vessel of God”. I nearly lost it; what does mythical propaganda have to do with a possible mental illness and addiction diagnosis? This freak show exhibition eventually turned my stomach and I turned away from it. Sadly, numerous Black men and women may suffer from undiagnosed mental disease and addiction. Thousands are attempting to cope with the horrors of comorbidity; some make it, and many do not. We do know however, 95% of all suicides the person was suffering from depression at the time. With this knowledge, we no longer can think Black preachers or some half-baked interviewer should attempt to diagnosis mental illness. Look at the statistics below and ask yourself who was helped in that interview.

Suicide Rates for African Americans, 1999-2010

• As with all racial groups, African American females were more likely than males to attempt suicide and African American males were more likely to die by suicide.

• From 1993 to 2002, the rate of suicide for African Americans (all ages) showed a small but steady decline. Since 2002, the rate has remained fairly flat, varying only between 4.9 and 5.2 per 100,000 annually.

• Suicide was the third leading cause of death among African American youth (ages 10-

19), after homicides and accidents. The suicide rate for this age group was 2.65 per 100,000 (n=196).

• Males accounted for the vast majority of African American elderly (65 and older) suicides.

Rep. Jesse Jackson Was Wrong to Hide Mental Illness


xlargeThe absence of Representative Jesse Jackson Jr., from congress since May is causing quite a stir among his constituents, democrats, and republicans. It has now been revealed that the Illinois Congressmen is hospitalized for a mood disorder. If true, Jesse Jackson Jr. missed a great opportunity to help black males’ education on mental illness, specifically depression. In fact, it is safe to say, his actions have helped maintain the impenetrable stigma of mental illness. By the same token, depression is slowly decimated Black males and our time is running out to raise awareness.

According to the Office of the Surgeon General, depression is likely a key factor in a 233 percent increase in suicide in African-Americans males aged 10-14 from 1980 to 1995. Suicide was also the third leading cause of death for African-Americans in 2003. A serious weakness with most young African-American males is their lack of health insurance unlike Representative’s Jackson. As a result, uninsured young Black males overrun emergency rooms as their lives become unhinged and unmanageable. Like an unmanned freight train these young men wreak havoc in our communities from murder to total anarchy and our communities are under siege daily. Depression may not be the sole factor but I theorize it’s a contributing factor.

Ø 54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness.

Ø 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.

Ø 80% of depressed people are not currently having any treatment.

Ø 92% of depressed African-American males do not seek treatment.

Ø 15% of depressed people will commit suicide.

Ø Depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease by 2020 — and studies show depression is a contributory factor to fatal coronary disease.

Unfortunately, one of the limitations of the Black communities is to maintain the public secrets (i.e., AIDS, under education, fatherless homes). In other words, we do not openly talk about what everyone else can plainly see. Like Ostrich, we sink our heads in the proverbial sands of denial and stigmatization. We whisper our pray that it will go away. Sadly, our Christmas stocking provides only a lump of coal for our passive actions. Yet, we pray, but not for an awareness campaign on mental illness but for a better deceptive instrument.

In the interim, this brings me back to Representative Jackson; above all, he has unwillingly contributed to the stigma of mental illness. For the most part, young Black men need information on mental illness, unlimited stockpiles of literature on the disease. Black males need education on depression symptoms and treatment options. The Black community needs to stop hiding what’s in plain sight. Sadly, Jesse Jackson Jr., wasted an opportunity to provide knowledge and wisdom to brothers. On the contrary, his maneuver help continue to fuel that mental illness is to be kept from the public’s view. It is safe to say he has an aborted education on mental illness.

Many African American males are suffering from mental illness in silence. They hide in our communities in open public staggering from one episode to the next. Daily they walk by us dazed and confused beautiful souls screaming for external intervention. Yet our piousness display the frozen no vacancy sign to our brothers. At the same time, their intoxication brought on by depression has them locked inside a vault filled with only hopelessness.

In essence, we must bring these brothers the combination to their incarcerated consciousness. The silence on Black men and depression must be shattered once and for all. In brief, we must hold everyone feet to the fire to speak out about depression in the Black community…we must educate them. This means Jesse Jackson Jr., also, he needs an education on mental illness, along with treatment. My hopes are for a speedy recovery for him and his family.

The Invisible Dragon