How alone did I make others feel (Revised)

Americans, all too often; stockpile resources pretending blindness toward the less fortunate.  The nation’s motto “Every Woman for herself” provides a rational excuse for inaction for some.  As Americans we tend to believe today if a woman works hard she’ll succeed.  On the other side, her reality resembles a world not permissible to lone survival qualifications; she needs social help.  Unfortunately, and dishonorably, we protect our conveniences first, (i.e., what will it cost to help); thus we meticulously ponder those essential thoughts cautiously.  In the interim, no less, we remain idle while natural run its course.  In short, I shamed myself also with exaggerated loss of sight and non-action; thus I’m guilty as well.

As my conscious mortality gradually grows and my youthfulness slowly decays; I’m certain the end exist. The transience may reside atop a mountain or below the seas; but it will come nonetheless. At that time, I hope to welcome its purpose and display fearlessness.  With that said, eventual death allows a new reasoning about my inability to love deeper…Growing up poor and Black impacts all facilities i.e., affective, spiritual, emotional and not to mention, psychological, physiological, and social.  We circumvent measures that may help us by concentrating only on our survival and social defense.  Subsequently, as an African-American, you fight to feel good about yourself under such circumstances. One issue is how young people like myself grow up and not learn how to love fully.  I suggest self-loathing influences the ability to deeply care about other people. Why?  Because you hate you’re poor, hungry, and socially despised.

The perils of poverty demonize its actors in America.  For instance, underprivileged presents a direct affront to our democratic and capitalist values.   Americans do not adopt the notion publicly one can be poor in America. Why? Personal responsibility is the only factor to success.  Meanwhile, our mythical meritocracy dissolves poverty anguished cries with its steadfast resilient cheer: “Help your Damn Self”!  Or, “Get a fucking job bum”.  The steel-plated capitalistic mantra influences others to non-action and others to charity.  However poverty hurts the children of poor adults most when non-action occurs.  In children, insufficiency disable development, as a result, children mimic adults’ behaviors too rapidly.  Subsequently, children adopt those roles for the sake of survival and self-actualization.  I can attest sadly, however, children and adolescent should not adopt some adult traits, the miscarriage in development is too vital.

Hate, a theoretical stagnant of poverty, cultivates hardness in children and adolescents or the perception thereof.  As improvised Black kids, we believed or desired all families remain equal in scarceness in my neighborhood.  Therefore we did not wish people bad but it hurt when they did well.  Thus, on occasion, we would burst dreams and accomplishments like the fourth of July publicly… You have some news shoes, so what; your father got a new car, who gives a fuck, and then the ultimate class putdown: “Oh, you think you’re better than me now”?  For all intents and purposes, we detested success if it was not ours because it highlighted our poor conditions.  The popular culture today defines it as ‘Hating’.   In retrospect, the ‘have not’ hated on the situational ‘haves’ because of their objects of success (i.e., physical appearance, materials, or academics wealth).  Sadly, we believed, everyone was a possible enemy in the hood.  In simpler terms, poverty’s residues and the lack of proper development constructed bitterness in young people.  Well, it did in my family and ghetto…

Here it is…

Denied Caring’ is defined as: (the ability to appear as if one cares disguised by gifts of raw materials and Bullshit).  Yes sir this is it, I’ll explain, be patient.  Love and its purpose is misunderstood, I believe it’s mistakenly informed by what one gives away.  Well, routinely I threw money and material trinkets at family and friends hoping it would help raise their circumstances.  Money was the ultimate example of love for the giver (me) and receivers (family, friends).  This phenomenon was possibly a cultural spectacle as growing up Black and in poverty your day-to-day existence is paramount or it seemed.  Money soothed relatives and friends’ psyche and placed me in a noble light (I thought).  I was God.  No, I was a Black baby Jesus, yes Black baby Jesus, I like that…(RIP, Phil).

With the money and fame came a hardened soul.  I never learned anything about myself or others (i.e., family, friends).  The All-American success story was bullshit wrapped up in shallow waters of self-indulgence and egotism.  Fuck real love, I’ll buy the knock-off one and everything else you got in the store.  Shit, I was playing the game and being played all at once, what a trip.  Damn, ain’t life grand?

Let’s wrap this thing up…I want to love.  You know true love, as my mother would say, “Some shit you can touch and feel, wipe all over your damn head and body.  Yes, those kind of love relationships, unbridled without the packaged process religious or spiritual B.S.  I do not like making people feel horrible anymore and I take pride in practicing authentic love.  Unfortunately, my past behaviors have created some family and friends to place upon me unpardonable sanctions.  They cannot forgive or forget my ancient personalities and attitudes.  I’m like a damn Michael Myers or Jason, you know the horror cats.  In addition, the strong scent of my past egotism has created a force field that dissolves my soft presence instantaneous.  I’m a victim of my infamous (past) that does not exist.

How alone do other make me feel?

The Invisible Dragon

(All grammatical errors are purposeful)

Daily Dragon’s Mantra. “Self-Mastery”

how-to-find-happiness

We predict with certainty an expert resided over hours of practice and training. Hence a virtuoso of piano suffocated in seclusion training her discipline.  In another instance, the skill surgeon stockpiled hours of due diligence to the smallest procedure. Without regards, external mastery skills requires long hours of hard work.

Yet religious and spiritual apprenticeship last but seconds. How one does believe mastery of self involves a ‘verbal slogan’ or membership to a sect implausible.  Nevertheless one may be assured mass gatherings expressing conversion in minutes disguise the ultimate reality.

Self-Cultivation

There exist no ‘quick fixes’ to deconstructing the illusionary mind.  Heighten awareness occurs from isolation wedded to inflexible vocation alike the sharpshooter or ballerina. Please let us not be mystified, skilled inner awareness may require years of practice. Therefore, as a stern warning, those who profess quickness to a ‘new spirit’ should receive a cool reception.

The world is populated with quacks announcing their possessing “The Way”.   As a rule gimmicks, tricks, and aged-old witty dialogue are not avenues to deliverance. The secret is not hidden from view; self-cultivation requires hard work and resiliency.  To blossom, stay inside (You) and study.

The Invisible Dragon

Miles Davis

Does this make sense?

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Sequestered in a small space (The Free Mind), a megalomania examination of “Inner-Being” provoked an epochal deliberation of critical inner reflection. In the past, however, the descent into (The Suffering Mind) normally involved ameliorating negative thoughts or regrets…however; this expedition was as aforementioned in (The Free Mind).  As such, the often-adrenalized ego remained aloof and docile.  Hence, the latent absence permitted an excursion intended on freedom from within; to travel unmolested…make sense?

In addition, to remain congruent to the new (Free Mind) this inspection considered the practice of pontificating theories of intra-forgiveness. Although, popular maxims consider ‘one should forgive and forget others’ (Inter-forgiveness), this by the way; deserve an ambitious moratorium on the phraseology of ‘speech forgiveness.’

In fact, (Imitation verbal conviction aside), to exile pain caused by other’s mischief or unintentional consequences deserves lengthy praise…albeit, whenever truly accomplished…I am sorry, I digress.

To the point at hand…How does the pardon of self-inflicted injury heal?

***Book Recommendation Alert***

There’s No Such Place As Far Away” by Richard Bach

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The Invisible Dragon

Miles Davis

360 Tao, entry 37 ‘Discord’

Being constant in touch with Tao is an ideal…we can also fall out of synchronization with Tao through our own follies, as when we act without complete consideration…if we keep our patience, we can usually ride out these times.  We should take action and break the stagnation if an opportunity presents itself.  Whether it is waiting or acting, we should always try to bring a situation back into balance so that we can rejoin Tao…365 Tao Daily Meditation, Deng Ming-Dao

(Personal Development)

To develop higher awareness we must comprehend our spirit in its entirety.  To fully explore without pretentious covering or egotistical dishonesty, we must accept our present state of consciousness.  Consequently, the acceptance of our beliefs, habits, and consciousness may permit a spiritual baseline to enhance or otherwise.  Conversely, we may return to the Tao without hesitation or disharmony if we ventures dangerously close to the sun or deep-sea.  One cannot return to balance unaware of the curved consciousness.

The Invisible Dragon

The Philosophy of My Tao

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1. I am nothingness

2. I have no enemies

3. I surrender

4. I am soft, yet hard

5. I flow like water

6. I am beneath all810106764_b5aaaa719f

7. I hold no grudge

8. I keep no record of my giving

9. I do not mind what happens

10. I am present only

11. No one’s out to get me

12. I am Love

13. I was not born nor will I die

14. I cannot be offended

15. In a room of many, I see one

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The Invisible Dragon

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