A Helpful Affair

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imagine her sin…

rebellion to a stagnant life…

her hand on his thigh

deeply desired again

by a man…

an acceptable act of necessity

****

public masquerade aside,

an unlocked tryst…without fear

her openness, his infatuation …

careful to anonymity

he pleasures silently

in open view

****

her nails pierce his back…

the renewed sensuality…

as her tightened pelvis

grips him inside her…

she’s outside the marriage

****

their breath regains rhythm

they join the couples back

at the table…

**

an event of obligation and

not punishment…

he the better lover

not her husband

*

she loves them both…

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Robert A. Williams

Are You in a Bogus Marriage or Relationship?

3739605789_8d95b6e760_o Without question, there is no greater despair then a person in a disjointed love relationship. As a result, when affairs head south, we ask, “What went wrong.” We contemplate repeatedly, what looked so promising, faded so fast to crap. There are untold individuals of failed relationships and marriages. Some end nicely, and sadly, some in abusive fashion.

As an illustration, The Dragon never immune to life has suffered failed relationships, two to be exact. Youth and ignorance could be plausible reasons, but let us not kid ourselves. Above all, I did not know what self-love consisted of and ultimately, in both affairs, I wanted my needs met. I wanted a caregiver.  The Dragon refer to as “Bogus or Counterfeit Love,” where one falls in love with the illusion of “Falling in Love.”

For the sake of discussion, let us take a closer look at the construction of counterfeit love. When we meet the so-call ‘the one’, our impulses says, ‘this person makes us feel special.” Hence, our stomachs turn as if on a roller coaster when we are with them. He/she does everything right (i.e., movies, valentine gifts, & candy). In essence, you bragged to your family and friends, this is the one. Now let us fast-forward to real life shall we, a few years later, as we sit scarred and bristled in our closet crying uncontrollably.

What Happen?

First, you were never in love; you were in love with the “illusion of falling in love”. Let us not be 4081360474_b6c8f398e6_o deceitful, we ultimately, succumbed to an illusion supported by sex, gifts and “the idea we were extraordinary”. In any case, when we construct a relationship in this manner, it is no wonder; we end up in the fetal position weeping and saying, “He/She just changed overnight.” Yea, right! Incidentally, when you lack self-love, you are easily attracted to counterfeit love. You drove yourself to the slaughterhouse; let us take a closer examination.

Overall, we threw ourselves at these men/women, all the while, ignoring obvious character flaws (i.e., selfishness, obsessiveness, needy, just plain shady). Sadly, inside the illusion, we saw only what made us ‘feel special’. Moreover, with faithful resiliency, we consistently manipulated the chase, dangling our ‘goodies’ to insure we can make their mouths water.

Expectably, after we thought we had them, the big announcement, “I’m in Love!” Sadly and eventually, we come to realize, once again, we fail in love with the imagination of falling in love. .

By the way, true love has nothing to do with feeling out of the ordinary. If we need to ‘feel gifted’ by someone, it is but a moment you will meet continually with painstaking disappointments. In the end, these relationships are about control and fear of separation and abandonment. These relationships are insanity; moreover, it denotes lack of self-love, we engaged to a nightmare.

Love Yourself

As we vision, some grasp obsessively to love interests, an obvious illustration of dependency. It signals our mates’ ‘goodies’ may attract other suitors; ultimately, leaving us alone, deserted. Overall, we are worrying about our own needs not the marriage. These relationships are so taxing. Did you know, self-love is the only love not dependent on external people or forces.

In short, the Dragon does not need his wife, he adores and love being with his wife. I long-lost the illusion of the fear of separation that nearly destroyed my marriage and life. My fear of disconnection was demented and self-serving. I resemble the child screaming for his mother. Instead of marrying fantasies of love, turn on to you first.

Counterfeit love affairs are control and panic relationships. The premise that someone is responsible for our feelings pronounces our fear of separation and abandonment. A solution to this personal matter is for one to learn to find true self-love. Nevertheless, I do not direct people in that manner; I only know it starts within.

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem After Being Hurt

501925151_b36f669e0e Self-esteem remains a vital part of us being in a mindful state. Possessing confidence and satisfaction in oneself helps energies the passion for life and love. When one however allows individuals or circumstances to mode our consciousness, we can lose the ability to separate event from the spirit. In other words, you are not the events of your life.

As some have found out, in life, things do not always go as plan; in those situations however, we must remember to separate ourselves. If someone disappoints you be careful with your rage, placing too  much capital in our responses can weaken self-esteem. How many experienced a deficit in the spirit after suffering frustration and regret over the actions of another?

If our wife does something unexpected, we can feel great pain and by chance low self-esteem can occur.   In other words, the “Why Me,” will begin to eat our spirit from the inside out. In addition, our self-worth decreases while the pain magnifies, for days we may not be any good to anyone but mainly ourselves.  The disappointment plummets us into a sea of self-pity, apathy, and sometimes unrelenting fury.

5 Ways To Boost Self-Esteem
(1) Never Internalize the Pain

The ill-fated behaviors of a love one is not the time to say, “What did I do wrong?” An honest assessment allows you not to blame yourself for someone’s actions. Do not become a co-dependent in poor behavior.

(2) Anger Be Still, Humility

Be slow to express your anger verbally. Do not burn yourself, attempting to be ‘”Brutally Honest.” Remain quiet and sometimes walk away from disappointment.

(3) Forgive and Forget

If you struggle with forgiveness, your self-esteem and confidence will erode. Holding the handle of a hot-pot burns the hand of the person holding it. Self-esteem is empowered by being the bigger person.

(4) What you say, may and will be used against you

When hurt, we feel justified in saying whatever we like, for instance like a ‘a victim statement in court’. However, what you express my revisit you at a later date. In other words, the shoes will go on the other foot, no one’s perfect. Say what you would want said to you.

(5) Love Not Need

Self-esteem suffers woefully when we misinterpret what love is. Love always comes from the inside out. With that said, “We love not because we need a person; we need the person because we love them.” Dr. Henry Grayson, Mindful Loving

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

Here’s a Quick Way Over a Broken Heart

“Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”   Toni Morrison

“Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.”—Anonymous. Nothing pains more than a broken heart fractured by a love one. Whether, from their actions or mental discontentment or both, the adage, ‘the ones closes to”…you know the rest. We chance happiness and pain with commitments to husbands, wives and mates. However, when we hurt each other, how can we quickly repair pain and ultimately the relationship?

Can love be confusing, of course, it can. Which is why, a love interests ought not to become a source of identity? What does this mean? Attempting to run our spirit through another person’s spirit may create a false sense of control. Consequently, we deceive ourselves that our significant other should make decisions based on our conceptions. Moreover, unfortunately, we quickly label them as ‘not caring’ or ‘selfish’ when this does not occur.

Yes, relationship is about sharing, ‘our individuality.’ More hearts have shattered from a false sense of control than any other behavior. Watch me here, “You cannot make someone Love You!!!” “If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.” Anonymous. In other words, accept the misfortune, love, forgive them, and let it go.  If you can’t, you have some decisions for consideration.

Love does not try to change or control people. We lose every time by holding on very tight, do not fear separation. Nothing cures a stubborn heart more than a missed loved one. Open the cage and let the bird free. “God is closest to those with broken hearts.” – Jewish Saying.

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

Who’s Responsible For Your Pain?

580070_7d63You and you alone created your world. Satan, the evil spell or ridiculous superstitions deserves no responsibility for your illusions. Stop, stop right now with the blame game, this contagious spectacle spoils my appetite.

Your obsession for external culpability to your predicament refute solid evidence against the true perpetrator-You. Yes, that is right; it is you. What is the common denominator in all your troubles?

It’s Not My Fault

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Stop blaming the old boyfriend, the present girlfriend who talks behind your back, or unrealistic missed opportunity. You are the inventor and demolisher of all you perceive. There is no outside comforter responsible to remove your frail consciousness. Stop the irritable speech about who wronged you, we get the picture; it is a broken record.

Cease with the thunderous public declaration that some external force sole responsibility is to make you feel better. Just stop it! What responsibility do you have to your spirit? Do not give me that dress up for Sunday thing, or discipline not to taste a delightful pork sandwich, you made this mess, you get out it.9142_b1d8

Stop using Facebook, Twitter or texting to indict others for your misery. A subtle complaint to the boys indicate a temporary deficit in your consciousness not hers.

All attachments dissolve your capability to develop a relationship with God. All mental and spiritual dissonance signals disconnection from your higher source. The winds of the world controls the mind when this occurs.

Stop Your Complaining!

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The acceptance that external variables control your emotional and spiritual state demonstrates a lower consciousness. I do not care if the external variables are family members, friends, children or employees; your misery is internal.

Get off the couch, look in the mirror, and destroy the enemy within–Now, do it.

The busy egotistical mind swirl your consciousness wildly and toss your fragile being like a small sailboat. Why does your screams go unheard? You are what you Seek! You are the Great teacher, Guru, and savior to your spirit.

Think about it for a second, all spiritual teachers say what I have written. Your redemption is not only your responsibility, it is within your power.

If honest to yourself this makes perfect sense, however, some will blame  me for saying it.

**

The Invisible Dragon