Monday’s Poem: Numb by Will J. Hobbs

fleeting

“Eyes wide open with my mind wide shut. Heart still beating with the blood flow ceased. Arms outstretched but my hands can’t feel. In the midst of a storm stark naked begging for the refreshing coolness of the rain the ease the burning of my ignorance. Pouring the water on my tongue hoping that it will quench this insatiable thirst to feel what so many others seem to experience.

Staring glazed over into a mirror hoping to become enlightened in my own self worth and existence. Searching for my way around a dark room feeling nothing but hoping to find a way out. Peeling away at my own flesh hoping to develop a new layer of sensation. Unaware of the concept of pain and incapable of understanding the affection of emotion.

Eyes wide open with my mind wide shut. Heart still beating but the blood flow has ceased. Arms outstretched but my hands can’t feel.

I am numb…”

By Will J. Hobbs

purple dragon

The Invisible Dragon

A Helpful Affair, The Video

Picture by Robert A. Williams

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peer Victimization (Bullying), The New Frankenstein

100310_rutgerprayer_604x341Freshman Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers University who jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge and my daughter Ariel Williams educated me on peer victimization or for old schoolers, “Bullying.” As a result, their actions forever changed my perceptions and activism.

Peer victimization is the consequence of acts of intentional aggression, by a peer (or group of peers) operating from a position of strength or power, and directed at a victim who is viewed as relatively weak.” Stephen E. Brock, Ph.D.,

How Do We Explain This?

Tyler Clementi, committed suicide after realizing his roommate videotaped his personal encounter with a male acquaintance and uploaded it to the web. After hearing the story the first national peer victimized person in America immediately came to mind.

Ryan Wayne White (December 6, 1971 – April 8, 1990). Ryan was expelled from middle school because he contracted the HIV virus from a contaminated blood transfusion. The young boy overnight became the monster unleashed on the villagers. A modern-day Frankenstein, he was mental and psychological hunted by a rabid public consumed with fear and hate. In this case, I never could have anticipated the detestation that consumed the country, not by all, but by many.nm_ryan_white_090216_main

Comparatively, Tyler Clementi believed he became a Frankenstein with the click of a mouse. His subsequent thoughts, I can only assume of the public wrath overwhelmed him. I am not aware if he knew of Ryan White, but like Ryan, he altered my history, as I am sure for others as well.

There exist no explanations religious, political, or cultural norms to justify this young man’s death. He should not have taken his life from fear of his sexual identification. Are we not yet civilized?

In Local Hate News

My daughter Ariel was involved in another form of peer victimization. Last week, riding home on the school bus filled with high school and middle school cohorts, she intervened to stop a horrendous act of violence.

A group of African-American middle school students pummeled a younger petite African-American female student in her face. The abuse started with verbal barrages thrown at the helpless victim and quickly elevated to a mob attack. Subsequently, not one student intervened, not even the bus driver, only Ariel saw the act as tragic and stopped it. She helped Ryan White and Tyler Clementi.

Children who bullied siblings were likely to bully their peers, while victims at home were likely to also be victimized at schoolif children behave in a certain way at home, bullying a sibling for instance, if this behaviour goes unchecked they may take this behaviour into school.” Dr Menesini, (British Psychological Society (2009).

The school officials informed me of Ariel’s heroics. Nevertheless, peer-victimization is a national phenomenon. In particular, hate plays in America, bullying, intimidating is our slice of apple pie. The 24-hour cycle of cynical political opposing views, religious and lifestyle intolerance attacks and constant disharmony provides a peek into our collective souls.

We are the villagers running from the monster that is ourselves.

*****

milesdavis1

The Invisible Dragon

The Philosophy of My Tao

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1. I am nothingness

2. I have no enemies

3. I surrender

4. I am soft, yet hard

5. I flow like water

6. I am beneath all810106764_b5aaaa719f

7. I hold no grudge

8. I keep no record of my giving

9. I do not mind what happens

10. I am present only

11. No one’s out to get me

12. I am Love

13. I was not born nor will I die

14. I cannot be offended

15. In a room of many, I see one

****

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

How do you Love the Unlovable

491993392_3f3c386f3a_m My life use to resemble a chainsaw with a broken cut-off switch. I constantly buzzed with the thunder of a truck missing a muffler. Jumping from one thought to another in milliseconds. In addition, the foreign jargon I called speech, in reality was the soundtrack of a psychopathological lunatic. Sadly, the Dragon was a spirit without love, a nomadic appliance, a self-destructive, all-consuming bowl of mindlessness.

Being lost in illusions as I refer to it defines a person whom lack self-love. Often they remind us of a disruptive force driven by ‘slow suicidal’ actions (i.e., substance abuse, addictions, ego-driven, constant worrying). However, without shame, it was fear that denied me the ability to love myself. The demonized circus (mind) slowly and with precision was killing me. Sadly, however, with religious conviction, I sought its companionship over and over again.

High Flying Acts of Self-Destruction

To recite my fanatical escapades illustrated with clinical depression, substance abuse and risky behaviors would appear to create excuses. However, as pertinent as these factors were to my dissension, they receive a pardon with just cause. Subsequently, my spirit long sequestered, painted a silhouette of fear inside me as a teen.  I cannot pinpoint the fear origination, but my spiritual restoration provided a pathology.  2656844158_f3390e49c4_m

I never understood love.  My conception of love was ill designed from adolescence. Regardless, however, this foreign agent (ego) bent on spiritual espionage, persuaded my divine implosion. Unfortunately, I was unable to uncover the covert operative before near total self-destruction. The inability to see love as a “verb” nearly cost me my life.

We operate from two emotions, love or fear. Our actions easily become translatable when we understand this premise. For instance, we cannot pain ourselves or  another person and describe it as love. Regardless of blamable factors (i.e., addiction, selfishness, envy) love is an action that “never hurts.” As another example, when love ones do bizarre behaviors, irresponsible self-destructive acts, this is fear, it is a call for love and help. Absolutely, they are afraid and they do not know how to say it or save themselves.

Fear, the Great Deceiver

With that in mind, until they rid themselves of fear, tsunamis of unthinkable events will create mass self-destruction and repercussions. Our only thoughts, “How could they do this to me?” & “How could they do it to themselves?” Without question, it is the ultimate cry for help, an act of slow suicide is more appropriate. As we guess, fear kill without reason or just cause. It has nothing to do with the victim personally. It is a child, teen or adult crying out, “I am scared and I hate myself.”

The Dragon recites this account from personal experiences. Thus, it is not a formula or antidote one swallow easy. The brave walk this path; you cannot sneak into spiritual restoration lacking self-love. It is muddy-waters for sure and the clever individuals deepens into its quicksand. You cannot fake it (Love); it eventually cries out for help.

Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1